Clinical psychologist Dr. Jen Hartstein of Hartstein Psychological Services recently joined NBC News to discuss summer travel etiquette and the surprising psychology behind why getting from point A to point B can bring out the worst in even the most polite among us.
The conversation started with a familiar headline: flight attendants urging travelers to stop poking, prodding, and grabbing them to get their attention. It’s a small behavior with a big message. Somewhere between the curbside drop-off and the boarding gate, our manners can quietly slip away. As Dr. Jen puts it, we all know to keep our hands to ourselves, yet the airport has a way of making us forget.
Why does flying make us forget our manners?
According to Dr. Jen, a few forces stack up the moment we step into a terminal.
- Stress changes our brains. When we’re stressed, our cortisol levels rise, and our ability to empathize with the people around us goes down. We focus on getting ourselves through the experience and tune out everyone else trying to do the same.
- We have no control. From delayed flights to long lines, so much of travel is out of our hands. That lack of control is uncomfortable, so we overcorrect by trying to control the few things we can, which can come across as rigid or rude.
- Personal space and territory. On a crowded plane, we get protective, even territorial, about our seat, our armrest, and the few inches we can call our own. When those invisible boundaries feel threatened, tempers flare.
A simple refresher for smoother travels
The good news is that a little self-awareness goes a long way. Knowing that stress is shrinking your patience can help you reclaim it. Before you react, pause and remember that everyone around you is under the same pressure.
Dr. Jen’s guidance is refreshingly simple: know the rules and follow them, respect other people’s space, and keep your hands to yourself. Flight attendants are there to direct you, help you, and keep you safe, so meeting them with patience makes the trip better for everyone. A few deep breaths and a little empathy can turn a tense trip into a far more pleasant one.
This summer, as you head for the gate, let this be your friendly reminder: the calmest, kindest version of you is also the best-equipped traveler.
